Let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: Life is tough. If you’re feeling like you’ve lost yourself somewhere between work calls, project deadlines, family dinners, date nights, and catching up with buddies, you’re not alone.
With all these roles to juggle, it’s no wonder you’re feeling the pressure. The expectations you put on yourself – and those we think others have of us – are hard to live up to.
Society often paints this idealized image of a man who seamlessly manages to be the dedicated father, the devoted son, the loving spouse, and the reliable friend. He gets in a daily workout, is relentless at work, stops by the grocery store and dry cleaners and uses his down time to be fully present for his family.
You want to be the best spouse you can be. Sometimes, after a tough day at work, you just don’t have the energy. Those moments of feeling like you’re falling short can really weigh on you. You question your ability to provide and if you are doing enough and being enough.
You have worked hard to carve out a career and have managed to meet your goals but you are starting feel the pressure of continued achievement. Despite hard work and looking like you have it all, life doesn't feel easy.
Being a great dad means being there for your kids, supporting them, and helping them grow into awesome human beings. It’s a big job and responsibility that requires a lot from you.
Your parents have their ideas of what you should be, you want to make them proud and it is difficult to juggle those long standing messages. Trying to balance your life with their expectations can feel like a no-win situation.
With all these roles to juggle, it’s easy to lose sight of who you are. You might find yourself on autopilot, just trying to get through the day. You start feeling like you’re giving so much to everything else that there’s nothing left for you and you resent the demands on your dwindling time and energy.
Finding Your Identity Again
Stop comparing yourself: To the old you, to “if only” you, to your neighbor or colleague. This is the direct route to low self-worth and fires up a narrative about how your life “should” be. It also keeps your brain busy being angry, guilty and resentful and diminishes your accomplishments.
Carve Out Time: It sounds cliché, but finding time for yourself is essential. This might take some negotiation and acceptance for how it will look within your competing priorities. A day or weekend of doing what you want might not be realistic or necessary. You might be surprised to find a regularly scheduled, small amount of intentional time can make a big difference.
Set Realistic Expectations: You cannot give 100% all the time in every role and every setting. Society loves to sell this image of the guy who’s crushing it at work, home, and life in general. But in reality, no one’s got it all figured out. Everyone’s just doing their best to keep the wheels from falling off. Being realistic helps you manage your energy and keeps you from burning out.
Talk About It: Open up to your partner, a friend, or even a therapist about how you’re feeling. Sometimes, talking about the pressure can alleviate some of it. This can be complicated for men, especially when you believe you are falling short. But here’s the thing: feeling like a failure doesn’t mean you are a failure.
Embrace the Chaos:
Let’s get real for a second: nobody’s perfect. Not the guy next door, not your boss, not even that dude on Instagram who just bought his third boat for his second vacation home.
Everyone’s got their own struggles and insecurities. You’re going to make mistakes; you can’t satisfy everyone’s exact needs all the time. What matters is that you’re trying, you care, and you’re there.
You might get one moment today where everything aligns, and all seems right with your world. Don’t miss it!
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